Hi guys. It’s been a hot minute since the last time I posted one of these, so I wanted to update everyone. If you guys are still reading my blog, that is.
As you guys have probably noticed, I’m not putting out quite as much content as I had in the past. It’s not because WHYRU ended, but because there has been a lot of things happening personally, so I needed time to figure things out and regroup.
Feel free to skip this section if you want to know what I’ll be doing next in the blog. I’m ok with that. For those of you who are still reading, thanks.
It’s coming up to three months ago that my eldest child passed away. It’s harder these days due to the changing seasons. It begins a series of firsts, which I hate. The first fall without him, the first of his brother’s birthday without him. I have a cry almost daily, but I remember what his world was like in pain, so I would never ever go back there again.
I’ve been reading No Death No Fear by Thich Nat Hahn and it is definitely helping. I am learning to see things from a different perspective and it’s making sense to me. Nothing is born, or dies, but when the conditions are right it manifests. Then when they pass, it changes to another form, and we see the loved one in those around us, the trees, the soil, the flowers, the actions of our friends and family. A raindrop is part of the cloud but a different form.
And I try to find something each day to be happy. I do. I laugh and smile each day. But the closer it gets to the 23rd, the harder it is for me. I ache to hold him in my arms again. I miss the softness of his cheeks and the smell of his hair. I know it’s a heavy subject, but that is where my heart is at the moment. I am honest, so if you ever hear me say something, it’s from my heart, and truly what I feel.
I try to find things to make me smile. I had a tough day today. I sent out an sos on twitter. I usually have people who will send me clips and moments of Saint and Zee which will bring me some joy. But today it was radio silence. I’ve felt very alone. Not even sure who is going to read this, but I know a few of you might. One moment at a time is what i keep saying to myself.
If you are wondering why Saint and why Zee, they have helped me through some of the worst moments of my life, without even knowing it. I will do a post on what Saint means to me and how Zee brings color and happiness into my life. But reading interviews with them, hearing their words and watching their actions gives me peace, comfort and their happiness with each other makes me happy too.
So please drop me a picture, a video or cute moment on Twitter, or leave a comment here. I could use a little encouragement and send some positive energy my way please. I do love you all. Our interactions touch my heart and make me happy, so remember that you too are appreciated and loved.
Also, I am going to pick up learning Thai again. I want to travel to Thailand next year once the travel restrictions lift. I’d like to know more than the basic phrases before I get there. Wish me luck. I’ve been trying for a while, but I’m going to spend time on it each day, so hopefully that will help.
So what do I do now that WHYRU is over? I have to admit, I do feel a bit adrift. So I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with my blog.
I still feel very much part of the community of ZaintSee, being a MingEr and ZunShine. I am writing an article about the three different fandoms, how they view each other and what can be done to solidify relations between the three groups. Am currently looking for Thai, Chinese and other international fans from each of the groups to complete an anonymous survey. I want to make sure the article is well balanced from each community. I would love to see where we can work to mend relationships and exist as a peaceful happy space for who we support. If you’d like to participate you can email me at jenhg43.gmail.com or send me a dm on Twitter: JenHG43
I’m also starting Let’s Fight Ghost – the Korean Version this week. I want to get ready for Lets Fight Ghost TH with Saint and Orn. Looking forward to their version.
I’m doing a joint review of Oxygen with Psycho Milk’s content editor. I have thoroughly enjoyed it so far. It’s delightful. It’s alway fun to see what other people think about the same episode, so please after reading my review go check out their review too.
I’m also going to add a weekly roundup of ZaintSee content. 💙❤️🐨🐰This will include edit’s IG posts, Twitter Posts, official news, sponsorship, filming schedules, lives, etc. That way if anyone misses something, it’s easy to find in one spot. If you guys want that, give me feedback and let me know.
If there is any other content you’d like to see, please leave me a comment and I will see about adding it. Thanks again for reading if you are still here. Hugs and Love to you all. 🤗😘💕 – Jen